Asshole Types

*Paraphrased from the book, Assholes: A Theory

Boorish Asshole*

The Boorish Asshole is not someone simply behaving in an insensitive or rude manner. They have full knowledge they are pushing the boundaries of courtesy and respect, and are doing so with their ego and entitlement guiding them. Sometimes they even cite a cause as their reason for being rude, but really, it’s just a shield to hide behind as they behave inappropriately.

Smug Asshole*

Smug Assholes think the sun shines for them and that others are unworthy of its glow. They also consider their greatness common knowledge, and expect others’ treatment of them to reflect this fact, regardless that they’re wearing a self-imposed crown. They are different from other Assholes in they are completely comfortable acting in this manner, whereas others may be performing some version of self-defense.

Asshole Boss*

They say power corrupts, and in the case of becoming the boss, this is no different. Some people are born with personalities that bite, but in other cases, gaining power can induce or expose one’s inner asshole nature. These are the bosses that take advantage of their position and abuse others to any extent they can. There’s no rhyme or reason to their actions. They just do what they want because they think their title allows it.

Presidential Asshole*

As recent world events have demonstrated, there remains ample latitude for leaders to discern what rights high office places within their reach, thus giving such leaders the ability to choose where to abuse. In effect, they give themselves license to be afforded more than is actually within their role. Sometimes they may: create obfuscations; polarize; or simply not act to expectations. They do what they personally want and protect themselves in their pursuit because they can.

Corporate Asshole*

Moral justifications made by society at large lead these folks to feel they deserve special entitlements. Normal rules of social engagement don’t apply given the “good” the Corporate Asshole believes they do for all. However, if a culture of corporate responsibility is healthy, even if you have an asshole working, they won’t go nearly as far as they would in an office that tolerated more abuse. On the other hand, an ultracompetitive culture will bring out the assholes within. The corporate culture established will determine the people who work there, thus, if it’s a culture of assholes, they will flourish.

Reckless Asshole*

The Reckless Asshole pushes their morally justified entitlements so far, they lack concern for injury to life and limb in pursuit of what concerns them. Overconfidence about when and how their cause is best served may impose risks on others – and themselves – that are not thought through. The Reckless Asshole leaps without looking to see where he will land. An example is the asshole in the expensive car who decides to swerve through three lanes of traffic simply because he can.

Self-Aggrandizing Asshole*

The Self-Aggrandizing Asshole invokes themselves as pursuing a moral cause. Usually they are placing this cause on themselves in the manner of it being an ‘Absolute’, or ‘Manifested Destiny’ gifted to them by a higher power such as God. They take up actions, and quite often arms, despite many moral and ethical objections. They enhance their power while mixing their mission with moral concerns.

Cable News Asshole*

This Asshole is made for television. Self-aggrandizing, their aim is to serve an audience’s appetite for entertainment, regardless the appropriateness of what is discussed. In fact, discussion is not a component of news for the Cable News Asshole. They simply spit out entitled hot air as they distort and distract for their own aims. Cable News Assholes are the reason we are getting sup-par sensations instead of substance in what is labeled as ‘news’ today.

Delusional Asshole*

They really don’t realize they are one. The Delusional Asshole sees themselves in terms of grandeur, regardless that everyone else around thinks they look dumb. They are self-absorbed and arrogant. Their reality is what they believe regardless of what’s actually occurring. Sometimes the famous artist falls into this category when they think their creative genius entitles them to things beyond normal limits of acceptance.

Delusional Asshole Banker*

The Delusional Asshole Banker is part of a culture that sees itself as so important to today’s society it is entitled to irrational sums of monetary rewards for its efforts. They refuse to recognize sources of crises and disregard aid that has been given to their industry, preferring to see themselves as entirely self-sufficient. These bankers are self-serving with a short-term view, failing to see the social good their occupation potentially provides for the wider population and how fluctuations truly effect the many.

Social Media Asshole

The Social Media Asshole feels empowered to insult others and make outlandish claims online as they do not fear repercussions for what they do or say given the lack of physical confrontation attached to these actions. Since they can avoid eye contact normally had in face-to-face interactions, they lack the empathy this normally produces. They are not beholden to consistent viewpoints, or a coherent worldview. For them, the goal is to sow discord and provoke asshole behaviour from otherwise reasonable individuals, hence being given the nicknames of ‘Trolls’ or ‘Haters’. They are a retaliatory sect and should be avoided. Citing ‘Freedom of Speech’ as protection for their antics is simply inappropriate.